Family Law Lifeline

Posted on October 23, 2007 by John Steele

I read an article today about a NY couple who is going to court over a $48,000 engagement ring. Quite a bit of law about this, ironically. Rings are the only gift that are legally fairly easy for the man to get back. Most other gifts “in anticipation of marriage” usually stay with the woman.

First, common sense, and common law say that a gift given from Person A to Person B in anticipation of Event X, means that if Event X doesn’t occur, all parties go back to their respective position prior to the deal/contract/agreement. The law doesn’t always make sense, but in this case it does. If Person A gives a car dealer his old car as a down payment for a new car, and the transaction is not completed, does the car dealer get to keep A’s old car? Of course not.

Second, many times this situation comes about because a woman feels wronged by the man, and this is a way of getting back. Like many aspects of family law, decisions to keep the engagement ring have nothing to do with common sense, but rather hurt feelings or anger. People know when they are getting something they don’t deserve.

Third, sometimes men will say “This ring is for you and you can keep it even if we are not married.” This situation is rare, but certainly the woman keeps the ring here.

Lastly, I blame the man as well. In the story the man is 21 years old. He should have better things to do with his money than to buy a $48,000 ring. If you have an urge to blow money on a ring like that, there are ways to gift it in such a way as to make it part of the marital estate. Remember, that if a person gifts something to someone, regardless of the situation, there is always the risk of not getting it back or even thanked for it. And at the end of the day, a man who does not get the ring back can console himself with the fact that a bad marriage will always cost more than the ring.< ![CDATA[
Posted on October 23, 2007 by John Steele

I read an article today about a NY couple who is going to court over a $48,000 engagement ring. Quite a bit of law about this, ironically. Rings are the only gift that are legally fairly easy for the man to get back. Most other gifts "in anticipation of marriage" usually stay with the woman.

First, common sense, and common law say that a gift given from Person A to Person B in anticipation of Event X, means that if Event X doesn’t occur, all parties go back to their respective position prior to the deal/contract/agreement. The law doesn’t always make sense, but in this case it does. If Person A gives a car dealer his old car as a down payment for a new car, and the transaction is not completed, does the car dealer get to keep A’s old car? Of course not.

Second, many times this situation comes about because a woman feels wronged by the man, and this is a way of getting back. Like many aspects of family law, decisions to keep the engagement ring have nothing to do with common sense, but rather hurt feelings or anger. People know when they are getting something they don’t deserve.

Third, sometimes men will say “This ring is for you and you can keep it even if we are not married.” This situation is rare, but certainly the woman keeps the ring here.

Lastly, I blame the man as well. In the story the man is 21 years old. He should have better things to do with his money than to buy a $48,000 ring. If you have an urge to blow money on a ring like that, there are ways to gift it in such a way as to make it part of the marital estate. Remember, that if a person gifts something to someone, regardless of the situation, there is always the risk of not getting it back or even thanked for it. And at the end of the day, a man who does not get the ring back can console himself with the fact that a bad marriage will always cost more than the ring.

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