Posted on November 20, 2007 by John Steele
80% of divorces are unilateral, as opposed to something both parties want. If this statistic is correct, then four out of five divorces are unwanted by one of the spouses. If you are the one who wants out, you’ll have the power to decide when and how to best to approach the split.
This advantage is critical because once a marital dissolution petition is filed, many jurisdictions impose automatic restraints against shifting assets or changing the status quo ante (the way things were, just before the filing). That can complicate things if you do not plan ahead. On the other hand, statistics tell us that 70% of divorce filings are by women. So men, it’s not likely you’ll control the timing of the split, though you might control the purse strings.
But no matter who files, planning a divorce, or defending against one, can feel like taking on a second job, with so much to consider. For example, if you are the one who wants out, you must weigh whether you can trust your spouse not to financially annihilate you just to spite your decision to leave. Will he or she do everything possible to destroy what you worked so hard to attain while the marriage was working? Are there steps you can take to minimize the damage of divorce, while protecting your relationship with your kids, your property and your income?
Moreover, for many individuals, a divorce involves more than just dealing with finances and the kids. It affects not only the immediate family but perhaps elderly parents that need to be looked after, not to mention relationships with extended family members, friends and even beloved in-laws. Because of the emotional upheaval, many couples benefit from therapeutic counseling, as well as financial planning, in the act of dismantling a life built for two.
The bottom line is that you need to protect your own interests, while still being reasonable, if possible. And though you might think your spouse will act prudently, don’t count on it. Very few people encounter divorce without responding in an emotional way. In the words of Ben Franklin, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
You should be prepared for the chance that your divorce may become adversarial and that, for a while, your spouse will turn into a person you never knew existed. So try to bear in mind that while you may be taking an action that you think is merely rational, it’s very possible that he or she will interpret your actions differently or, perhaps worse, offensively, creating more problems. Sometimes the most devastating (and legally sound) tactic will simply p#$$ off the other spouse who will then want to get even.
Naturally, with an iron-clad prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, the divorce process will proceed in a more predictable fashion. But even then, expect your spouse to fight the the agreement’s enforceability based on grounds that it might be unconscionable now to enforce it, although it was perfectly fair when it was executed.
On the whole, divorce brings uncertainly that can breed anxiety, hostility or worse. But there are steps you can take to place yourself in a more advantageous position while you determine if your differences are irreconcilable or not.
RULE #1 – Contact our firm or another MATRIMONIAL law firm as soon as you decide to go through with a divorce. Pre-planning saves an incredible amount of legal fees.
RULE #2- People almost NEVER stay unemotional throughout the divorce. Regardless of how smooth it seems in the beginning.
RULE #3 – NEVER handle your own case when your spouse has an attorney. In fact, make sure you at least have an attorney review your documents if the two of you are trying to work together on the divorce.
RULE #4 – Ben Franklin (see above). Posted on November 20, 2007 by John Steele
80% of divorces are unilateral, as opposed to something both parties want. If this statistic is correct, then four out of five divorces are unwanted by one of the spouses. If you are the one who wants out, you'll have the power to decide when and how to best to approach the split.
This advantage is critical because once a marital dissolution petition is filed, many jurisdictions impose automatic restraints against shifting assets or changing the status quo ante (the way things were, just before the filing). That can complicate things if you do not plan ahead. On the other hand, statistics tell us that 70% of divorce filings are by women. So men, it’s not likely you’ll control the timing of the split, though you might control the purse strings.
But no matter who files, planning a divorce, or defending against one, can feel like taking on a second job, with so much to consider. For example, if you are the one who wants out, you must weigh whether you can trust your spouse not to financially annihilate you just to spite your decision to leave. Will he or she do everything possible to destroy what you worked so hard to attain while the marriage was working? Are there steps you can take to minimize the damage of divorce, while protecting your relationship with your kids, your property and your income?
Moreover, for many individuals, a divorce involves more than just dealing with finances and the kids. It affects not only the immediate family but perhaps elderly parents that need to be looked after, not to mention relationships with extended family members, friends and even beloved in-laws. Because of the emotional upheaval, many couples benefit from therapeutic counseling, as well as financial planning, in the act of dismantling a life built for two.
The bottom line is that you need to protect your own interests, while still being reasonable, if possible. And though you might think your spouse will act prudently, don’t count on it. Very few people encounter divorce without responding in an emotional way. In the words of Ben Franklin, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
You should be prepared for the chance that your divorce may become adversarial and that, for a while, your spouse will turn into a person you never knew existed. So try to bear in mind that while you may be taking an action that you think is merely rational, it’s very possible that he or she will interpret your actions differently or, perhaps worse, offensively, creating more problems. Sometimes the most devastating (and legally sound) tactic will simply p#$$ off the other spouse who will then want to get even.
Naturally, with an iron-clad prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, the divorce process will proceed in a more predictable fashion. But even then, expect your spouse to fight the the agreement’s enforceability based on grounds that it might be unconscionable now to enforce it, although it was perfectly fair when it was executed.
On the whole, divorce brings uncertainly that can breed anxiety, hostility or worse. But there are steps you can take to place yourself in a more advantageous position while you determine if your differences are irreconcilable or not.
RULE #1 – Contact our firm or another MATRIMONIAL law firm as soon as you decide to go through with a divorce. Pre-planning saves an incredible amount of legal fees.
RULE #2- People almost NEVER stay unemotional throughout the divorce. Regardless of how smooth it seems in the beginning.
RULE #3 – NEVER handle your own case when your spouse has an attorney. In fact, make sure you at least have an attorney review your documents if the two of you are trying to work together on the divorce.
RULE #4 – Ben Franklin (see above).
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