Posted on June 1, 2008 by John Steele
Divorce is a great opportunity for people to see if they are good parents. There are many things you may not want to do anymore, and will not be required to do anymore, but you should keep doing. Example #1 of course is talk regularly with the other parent. Young kids do not really understand divorce, so open hostility, or a breakdown in co-parenting will shock them. They will wonder if the divorce was their fault, or which parent was the “bad” one and so on. Less talking is necessary as the child gets older (thank goodness). As a divorced parent of a 17 year old, I must admit to looking forward to the big 18. The younger the child, the more a parent can manipulate the child, screw with the other parent, and in general, be selfish. I recently handled a case in which the other party did not want my client to see the child unsupervised. Now, in Illinois, supervised visitation is for pedophiles and felons. My client was clean as a whistle. He eventually got visitation, but only over a screaming mother. Hopefully the two can learn to see past their own selfishness, and think of the kid. Why would the other party do this you ask. The other party simply wanted to “move on” (See previous post about new relationships effect on Divorces). Its hard to move on when the ex is coming around all the time to see the kids. The new boyfriend is uncomfortable, makes the mother feel uncomfortable, and so on. Who cares! Its not about you, but the easy to screw up kid. Sheesh. As a parent who (I believe) did the right thing, and asked for joint custody when I could have had sole custody, I get annoyed when a client says they want the other party out of “their” life. “their” is fine if “their” means the parent, but not good if “their” includes the child. No one has the right to cut out a decent (or semi-decent) father. I shall expound on this next week I think. A good rule of thumb for custody situations is: If it makes you feel really good, (or that you ‘won’), its probably a bad decision and your not putting the child first. Posted on June 1, 2008 by John Steele
Divorce is a great opportunity for people to see if they are good parents. There are many things you may not want to do anymore, and will not be required to do anymore, but you should keep doing. Example #1 of course is talk regularly with the other parent. Young kids do not really understand divorce, so open hostility, or a breakdown in co-parenting will shock them. They will wonder if the divorce was their fault, or which parent was the “bad” one and so on. Less talking is necessary as the child gets older (thank goodness). As a divorced parent of a 17 year old, I must admit to looking forward to the big 18. The younger the child, the more a parent can manipulate the child, screw with the other parent, and in general, be selfish. I recently handled a case in which the other party did not want my client to see the child unsupervised. Now, in Illinois, supervised visitation is for pedophiles and felons. My client was clean as a whistle. He eventually got visitation, but only over a screaming mother. Hopefully the two can learn to see past their own selfishness, and think of the kid. Why would the other party do this you ask. The other party simply wanted to “move on” (See previous post about new relationships effect on Divorces). Its hard to move on when the ex is coming around all the time to see the kids. The new boyfriend is uncomfortable, makes the mother feel uncomfortable, and so on. Who cares! Its not about you, but the easy to screw up kid. Sheesh. As a parent who (I believe) did the right thing, and asked for joint custody when I could have had sole custody, I get annoyed when a client says they want the other party out of “their” life. “their” is fine if “their” means the parent, but not good if “their” includes the child. No one has the right to cut out a decent (or semi-decent) father. I shall expound on this next week I think. A good rule of thumb for custody situations is: If it makes you feel really good, (or that you ‘won’), its probably a bad decision and your not putting the child first.
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