Posted on January 10, 2010 by John Steele
At the end of the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, the bad guy and Indiana finally arrive at a room holding a bunch of goblets and guarded by an old man. One of the cups was the one Jesus used at the last supper, and anyone who drinks from it will get to live forever. The bad guy picks one, drinks from it, and is immediately turned into a pretty gross corpse. The old man looks at Indiana and says, “He choose poorly”.
I get many comments from people beginning their divorce related to how horrible their spouse is and how they are getting screwed over by their spouse. As a divorced man myself, I can understand such feelings. However, let me share some thoughts that may change the way you look at marriage, and more importantly, divorce.
Marriage is like a bet. You are saying to the world (or at least your friends, parents, the state, and maybe your church) that you have found the right person. That you have sat down, analyzed the situation, and have determined the following:
If you have children with this person, he/she will help you in raising the child financially, regardless of their relationship with you.
If you get divorced, and are the custodial parent, you know my spouse will pay at least the state required child support without compliant and on time. They will probably pay you additional money because they love their children so much and they will never hold it over you or ask you to justify where the money is going.
If you are not the custodial parent, you know your ex would never play games with visitation, and will bend over backward to accommodate your need to see the child(ren).
If you and your spouse sign up for debt during our marriage, you know that your spouse will always be responsible and pay whatever they can towards the debt. You know that your spouse will never incur debt unknown to you or without first talking to you about it. If you separate, you know they will pay off at least half of the debt, even if their name is not on the debt (since it was incurred to help the family).
If you and your spouse buy a house together, you know that your spouse will never leave you holding the bag, and will always help pay off the mortgage.
If the marriage does end, you know that your ex spouse is so wonderful, that they will honor each and every promise they made in the marital settlement agreement. If they say they will refinance the mortgage in 1 year, and take your name off the home, you can assume it will happen. If he or she promises to pay off credit card X, you don’t have to worry even though you co-signed for it.
If the marriage ends, you know that your ex would never stop respecting my role as a parent for your child(ren), and would never attempt to alienate them from you. You know that your partner would never try to replace your role as parent with the latest love of their life.
(I could go on, but I think I have made my point.)
SO. . .
You make the bet and get married. And then you wait to see how it turns out.
The divorce rate for people under 50 that are not strongly religious, i.e. Mormon, Amish, etc, is in the 75% range. The 50% number is meaningless, since it includes demographics that do not relate to most people reading this.
Continuing my tie in with Indiana Jones, that means that there are 4 cups in the room, and only one will result in a successful marriage. Pick any of the three incorrect cups and you get to see if all the assumptions about the person you married were accurate.
If you bet and lose in Vegas, the dealer takes your chips, not the person’s next to you. In other words, YOU are responsible for your bet. You certainly would have taken credit for a successful marriage, thus it is only fair that you take some credit if you ‘choose poorly”.
The good news is that, unlike the movies, you simple start over, and begin searching for your next spouse (hopefully with a pre-nup this time).
Posted on January 10, 2010 by John Steele
At the end of the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, the bad guy and Indiana finally arrive at a room holding a bunch of goblets and guarded by an old man. One of the cups was the one Jesus used at the last supper, and anyone who drinks from it will get to live forever. The bad guy picks one, drinks from it, and is immediately turned into a pretty gross corpse. The old man looks at Indiana and says, "He choose poorly".
I get many comments from people beginning their divorce related to how horrible their spouse is and how they are getting screwed over by their spouse. As a divorced man myself, I can understand such feelings. However, let me share some thoughts that may change the way you look at marriage, and more importantly, divorce.
Marriage is like a bet. You are saying to the world (or at least your friends, parents, the state, and maybe your church) that you have found the right person. That you have sat down, analyzed the situation, and have determined the following:
If you have children with this person, he/she will help you in raising the child financially, regardless of their relationship with you.
If you get divorced, and are the custodial parent, you know my spouse will pay at least the state required child support without compliant and on time. They will probably pay you additional money because they love their children so much and they will never hold it over you or ask you to justify where the money is going.
If you are not the custodial parent, you know your ex would never play games with visitation, and will bend over backward to accommodate your need to see the child(ren).
If you and your spouse sign up for debt during our marriage, you know that your spouse will always be responsible and pay whatever they can towards the debt. You know that your spouse will never incur debt unknown to you or without first talking to you about it. If you separate, you know they will pay off at least half of the debt, even if their name is not on the debt (since it was incurred to help the family).
If you and your spouse buy a house together, you know that your spouse will never leave you holding the bag, and will always help pay off the mortgage.
If the marriage does end, you know that your ex spouse is so wonderful, that they will honor each and every promise they made in the marital settlement agreement. If they say they will refinance the mortgage in 1 year, and take your name off the home, you can assume it will happen. If he or she promises to pay off credit card X, you don’t have to worry even though you co-signed for it.
If the marriage ends, you know that your ex would never stop respecting my role as a parent for your child(ren), and would never attempt to alienate them from you. You know that your partner would never try to replace your role as parent with the latest love of their life.
(I could go on, but I think I have made my point.)
SO. . .
You make the bet and get married. And then you wait to see how it turns out.
The divorce rate for people under 50 that are not strongly religious, i.e. Mormon, Amish, etc, is in the 75% range. The 50% number is meaningless, since it includes demographics that do not relate to most people reading this.
Continuing my tie in with Indiana Jones, that means that there are 4 cups in the room, and only one will result in a successful marriage. Pick any of the three incorrect cups and you get to see if all the assumptions about the person you married were accurate.
If you bet and lose in Vegas, the dealer takes your chips, not the person’s next to you. In other words, YOU are responsible for your bet. You certainly would have taken credit for a successful marriage, thus it is only fair that you take some credit if you ‘choose poorly”.
The good news is that, unlike the movies, you simple start over, and begin searching for your next spouse (hopefully with a pre-nup this time).
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