Archive for category Child Custody
Reflections on Joint Custody
Posted by Kelly Thames in Child Custody on December 7, 2011
Contributed by Kelly D. Thames, Attorney & Counselor at Law, kthames@steele-law.com
Trends in how a court handles child custody flows with changes in society. In recent years, as some fathers began to take on greater responsibility as custodial parents, the courts started to become more favorable to awarding fathers the responsibility of being custodial parent.
Different states within the United States handle child custody differently based on the cultural norms of the states and internationally the same is true. Most recently, Switzerland is considering making joint custody the norm in a divorce. The courts would only be able to make an exception if the child’s welfare is considered at risk.
Joint custody is about joint decision making, not about who is the primary custodial parent. In Illinois, joint custody is granted if the parents can make joint decisions together concerning their children. Parents often explore this issue in mediation and find out whether they are capable of making decisions together after the divorce regarding education, religion, and other activities.
To me, it seems that joint custody as the norm would be a terrible idea. Many parents cannot make a joint decision on anything (it might be why they are getting divorced), which means that they must mediate their differences or litigate their differences. Anything that leads to more litigation, rather than decision-making, is not parenting. It’s costly and makes the parties less likely to cooperate in the future.
Connecticut Couple Ordered to Exchange Facebook Passwords
Posted by Kelly Thames in Child Custody, Discovery, Divorce, In the Courtroom on November 16, 2011
I recently read an article from MSNBC about a divorcing couple in Connecticut who was ordered to disclose their Facebook passwords. On September 29, a Connecticut judge ordered a divorcing couple to hand over the passwords of their respective Facebook and online dating websites to each other’s lawyers. The decision is intended to aid the lawyers in the discovery process of the divorce case, which will involve custody of the couple’s children. The judge said neither of the parties will be allowed to view the other’s websites.
Apparently the wife was posting things on her Facebook profile regarding her feelings toward the husband, the children and her ability to take care of them, which prompted this entire situation. Not sure why someone would publicly advertise those things about their private lives, but I guess it seemed like a good idea to the wife.
When the wife was asked during a deposition for her passwords, she gave them up, but then asked a friend to go to her profile and delete several of the postings. Upon hearing this, the judge issued an injunction and the parties turned over their Facebook and dating site passwords to each other’s attorneys.
Earlier this year, my associate, Kelly Thames, briefly wrote about the role of social media in family law proceedings (and in getting a job, among other things). Cases such as this one in Connecticut remind us of the importance of keeping private thoughts and feelings just that: private.
Keeping records
Posted by Kelly Thames in Alimony, Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce, In the Courtroom, Maintenance, Modification & Enforcement, Paternity, Spousal Support on October 31, 2011
Contributed by Kelly D. Thames, Attorney & Counselor at Law, kthames@steele-law.com
I was watching the “Ron and Tammys” episode of Parks & Recreation last night, where Ron is being audited by the IRS because of his ex-wife, Tammy 1. Ron’s recordkeeping is hilariously awful: he has notes of purchase that he wrote himself; he has a picture of himself shaking hands with another guy as proof of a “gentlemen’s agreement;” he doesn’t have bank accounts or formal records and he buries gold in various places; he also has decoy gold. Although this type of recordkeeping is over-the-top silly, it made me think about clients in divorce cases.
People don’t often think about what could happen if a marriage goes sour and so they don’t keep meticulous or organized records in preparation for a divorce or child support case. When one party files for divorce and discovery starts to happen, it becomes a huge ordeal to gather financial documents that are required when one side files a notice to produce documents and a request for a financial disclosure statement. Divorces can get dragged on for years because a party is not organized in their financial life, which significantly increases the cost of the divorce.
It is probably not very likely that you will be audited by the IRS these days, in fact, Ron’s audit was fake, it was just because Tammy 1 wanted to assess his financial situation before deciding that she wanted to “take him back.” By the way, that is not a healthy relationship, but that’s an entirely different post!
The basic message here: the IRS has three years from the date you file your income tax returns to audit your return if it suspects good faith errors, six years for underreporting your gross income by 25% or more, and no time limit for fraudulent returns. Most divorce attorneys will request the same three years of documents when there are financial issues in a domestic relations case. Your attorney won’t hunt and gather those documents for you – that is your job. The Illinois State Bar Association keeps a list of standard Matrimonial Interrogatories on their website, so you can see what kinds of financial information may be requested of you during a contested family law matter.
As in many other areas of life, I like to quote the Girl Scout motto, “Be prepared.”
Social media – some thoughts
Posted by Kelly Thames in Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce, Steele Law Firm on October 25, 2011
Contributed by Kelly D. Thames, Attorney & Counselor at Law, kthames@steele-law.com
We have entered a new era where people put their most private thoughts on the world wide web. Younger generations are so accustomed to doing this that they don’t process the consequences of telling the internet community that they are “partying” or partaking in other irresponsible and/or illegal behavior, even when they are going through a divorce or child custody battle.
In family law cases, especially in child custody battles, this can leave parties vulnerable. Once you put it out there on the “interwebs,” it is there. Even if you delete your post or pictures, it’s not really gone and if someone sees it, they can take a screen shot of it and preserve it forever.
Divorce and child custody battles are very emotional times for people and sometimes parties like to air their grievances to all their “friends” on social networking sites. But are these “friends” really your friends? If you play games on these sites, you may have added people that you don’t actually know, or don’t realize that you actually know.
A word of warning, not as a lawyer, but as someone that has common sense: Even if you are not going through a divorce or a parentage case, if you don’t want your mother or your boss to see the photo or status post, don’t post it. And don’t add “friends” who you don’t know; people are not always operating with the best intentions on these websites.
Can having breast cancer affect your chances of getting custody?
Posted by Kelly Thames in Child Custody, Divorce, In the Courtroom on October 13, 2011
The answer might surprise you.
It’s that time of year again: when 300 lb football players can be seen wearing pink on live television, when the streets of Chicago are filled with barricades and people walking who “think pink.” Yes, folks, it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We all know the typical effects that having breast cancer (well, any cancer, for that matter) can have on one’s health, career, relationships, and family. It can be a very stressful time for families, yet it seems most of us overlook how breast cancer can affect divorcing families.
Now, if you ask me, divorce and child custody matters are complicated and stressful enough without having a terminal illness thrown in the mix. Recently, though, a North Carolina mother diagnosed with terminal breast cancer has been making headlines with her custody battle for her children.
In May 2011, a North Carolina judge denied Alaina Giordano primary custody of her two children in part because “the course of her disease is unknown” and “children who have a parent with cancer need more contact with the non-ill parent.” The father lives in Chicago with the two children. Interestingly, the judge felt that the stress of living with the parent who was not physically ill would have a better effect on the children. Notably, in her ruling, the judge cited forensic psychologist Dr. Helen Brantley: “The more contact [the children] have with the non-ill parent, the better they do. They divide their world into the cancer world and a free of cancer world. Children want a normal childhood, and it is not normal with an ill parent.”
It’s important to remember that when determining child custody, a judge will often consider the mental and physical health of each parent. I’m certain it wasn’t an easy decision for the judge to make, but it seems clear that many things, including Giordano’s mental stability and the couple’s history of domestic violence, contributed to the judge’s decision besides the breast cancer. Still, many believe that greater emphasis was placed on the mother’s health because of her diagnosis of stage four breast cancer.
Luckily, it’s not all bad news for Giordano. According to the initial custody ruling, she can travel to Illinois to visit her children on holidays and weekends. She could also have shared custody of the children if she moves to Illinois. I think this is great, seeing as how there are many cancer treatment centers in the Chicago area. However, she wants to stay in North Carolina to continue her cancer treatments, and says that she cannot afford the airfare. They say you have to “pick your battles” and it certainly seems that Giordano has picked hers.
What do you think? Do you agree with the judge’s ruling? Do you think Giordano is making a mistake by not moving to Illinois?
Read more: North Carolina Mom with Breast Cancer Loses Custody
Judge Upholds Denial of Child Custody
Following Divorce, Some Ideas for Dealing with that Difficult-to-Sell Former Marital Home
Posted by Kelly Thames in Alimony, Child Custody, Divorce on October 3, 2011
Contributed by: Kelly D. Thames, Attorney, Steele Law Firm, kthames@steele-law.com
The marital home. It’s an asset that can be a blessing or a curse. In this economy, parties going through a divorce have a difficult decision facing them. Often times, if children are involved and the mother is the custodial parent, she will want to keep the marital home to raise the kids. It is not always economically feasible to stay in the home without a second income so divorcing parties often make it part of their marital settlement agreement that they will sell the house and the proceeds will be distributed to one or both of the parties.
What happens when the home does not sell easily? A Lawrence County, Pennsylvania man allegedly decided to set his house on fire to collect the insurance. This is not the first story of its kind. Desperate people often resort to desperately criminal measures. The unfortunate part of the story for this desperate man is that he will likely now go to prison for his actions.
Not everyone goes to these extreme measures. Henry Gorbein wrote an interesting piece for Huffington Post Divorce called, “To Move or Not to Move; That Is the Question.” He makes some interesting points about this big issue in divorce settlements. Maybe most importantly, he says, “Don’t be emotionally tied to your home.” I don’t know the motivation of the Lawrence County man that allegedly burned his marital home down, maybe he really didn’t want his wife to have the home or maybe he thought he would actually get away with the insurance claim.
My added advice to Gorbein’s post? Don’t do anything criminal.
Woman who killed her kids at center of custody fight
Posted by Kelly Thames in Child Custody, Visitation on October 3, 2011
Contributed by: Kelly D. Thames, Attorney, Steele Law Firm, kthames@steele-law.com
Parents fight over a lot of things in a custody battle. Sometimes these are trivial things and sometimes they are really big. Maybe you remember hearing about Kristin Cushing, the woman who killed her 4 year old and 8 year old daughters because of what she claimed was a bad reaction to Prozac. Her ex-husband left his 2nd wife to remarry Cushing. That’s right, he remarried the woman that killed his children. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2015771790_custodybattle30m.html
Not a big surprise, his 2nd wife, Trisha Conlon, has a problem with her sons spending parenting time with her ex-husband and his child-killer wife. The surprise is actually that an Oregon Court ruled against Conlon and allowed the parenting plan to stand, as is.
Lawyers always tell their clients that there are no guarantees in family court, but I imagine Conlon’s attorney thought that this was a slam-dunk issue. Conlon is appealing the decision, so we’ll see what happens. I can’t imagine any readers would find this parenting arrangement acceptable.
Census Shows More Grandparents Caring for their Grandchildren
Posted by Kelly Thames in Child Custody on September 26, 2011
A survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau indicates that many people are still feeling the effects of the recession. It’s no surprise to me to find out that fewer couples are getting married, and more grandparents are caring for their grandchildren. In the last year, I have had more people contact my firm with a case in which grandparents were involved in one way or another, than I’ve had in the previous years combined since the Steele Law Firm opened its doors.
There are the obvious cases in which the parents allow their child(ren) to live with the grandparents for a set amount of time. This typically causes problems down the road when the parents are ready to have the child(ren) live with them again, but the child(ren) have adapted to life with the grandparents. Not to mention the grandparents who have also gotten used to having little ones around. If you’re preparing to let your child(ren) go live with their grandparents for any extended amount of time, it is best to get a court order in place regarding temporary guardianship. And just because your child(ren) aren’t living with you any more, doesn’t mean you get a free pass to live on the wild side and pretend your little ones don’t even exist. In a case in which the grandparents are contesting custody, your chances of getting custody of your child(ren) are lessened if you live irresponsibly and carelessly. The responsible parent will be spending this time working as much as possible to save up as much money as possible so that their child(ren) can come live with them as soon as possible.
Recently, I’ve heard instances in which whole families, including the dog!, have moved in with one spouse’s parents. This places quite a burden on the grandparents, financially and emotionally. Single parents, if you or your ex is planning on moving in with your child’s grandparent(s), please consult your attorney first. There may be legal issues associated with such a move that you’re not aware of. I, for one, like to give my clients the “free pass to live on the wild side” speech. Besides never knowing if or when your ex is planning on swooping in with a Petition to Modify Custody, it’s always best to set a good example for your child(ren).
Do you know anyone in a situation like this? What are you comments/opinions on grandparents caring for their children or grandchildren?
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