Archive for category Divorce
Following Divorce, Some Ideas for Dealing with that Difficult-to-Sell Former Marital Home
Posted by Kelly Thames in Alimony, Child Custody, Divorce on October 3, 2011
Contributed by: Kelly D. Thames, Attorney, Steele Law Firm, kthames@steele-law.com
The marital home. It’s an asset that can be a blessing or a curse. In this economy, parties going through a divorce have a difficult decision facing them. Often times, if children are involved and the mother is the custodial parent, she will want to keep the marital home to raise the kids. It is not always economically feasible to stay in the home without a second income so divorcing parties often make it part of their marital settlement agreement that they will sell the house and the proceeds will be distributed to one or both of the parties.
What happens when the home does not sell easily? A Lawrence County, Pennsylvania man allegedly decided to set his house on fire to collect the insurance. This is not the first story of its kind. Desperate people often resort to desperately criminal measures. The unfortunate part of the story for this desperate man is that he will likely now go to prison for his actions.
Not everyone goes to these extreme measures. Henry Gorbein wrote an interesting piece for Huffington Post Divorce called, “To Move or Not to Move; That Is the Question.” He makes some interesting points about this big issue in divorce settlements. Maybe most importantly, he says, “Don’t be emotionally tied to your home.” I don’t know the motivation of the Lawrence County man that allegedly burned his marital home down, maybe he really didn’t want his wife to have the home or maybe he thought he would actually get away with the insurance claim.
My added advice to Gorbein’s post? Don’t do anything criminal.
Zealous Advocacy and the Emotional and Psychological Divorce
Posted by Kelly Thames in Attorneys, Divorce on September 20, 2011
Submitted by: Kelly D. Thames, Attorney & Counselor at Law, kthames@steele-law.com
Within my first week as a practicing family attorney, I had already experienced an opposing attorney yelling at me during negotiations in the hallway of the Daley Center. He was civil and nice in the court conference room in front of the judge (and outside of the presence of his client.) But as soon as he was in front of his client his demeanor changed. Was this zealous advocacy, did his client want him to act in this manner, or was he just being a jerk because he was having a bad day?
It is an attorney’s job to be a zealous advocate for their client. But what does this mean? And does the definition change depending on the client and the situation? Would his client think that he was not being a zealous advocate in negotiations if he didn’t yell?
A divorce arouses some of the most intense emotions a person will ever go through. And even though Illinois is a no-fault divorce state, one spouse often wants to prove that the other spouse is the one at fault, even though life and relationships are really never that simple. A hurt spouse often wants their “day in court” to explain why their spouse is the reason for the failure of the marriage.
The fact is: divorce is not only about the legal process. There is an emotional divorce, a psychological divorce, a financial divorce. Although technically attorneys are “counselors,” attorneys aren’t trained to guide you through the emotional and psychological phases of your divorce, and it’s not the reason you hire an attorney. If you try to process these phases through the court process, you will likely end up with sky-high attorneys’ fees, and a lack of closure (and if there are children involved, damaged children).
Some might feel like “zealous advocacy” does mean fighting to the death in court. A client wants to feel like you are “going up to bat” for them and they may feel like yelling at the opposing attorney in negotiations is effective and required. The attorney should be going up to bat for their client, but an attorney can fully represent their client’s interests in court through negotiations without being a bully. It is also important that the attorney fulfills their duty to be a counselor, and this may mean suggesting that their client seek assistance from a therapist to process the psychological and emotional phases of divorce instead of mudslinging in court.
Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be getting my feelings hurt when another lawyer yells at me or tries to intimidate me, but you are probably getting a divorce because the relationship was unhealthy and a divorce can be a healthy new start for each spouse, as long as you realize that the court process will not grant you an emotional or psychological divorce.
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