What’s the catch? You must meet the 2 following criteria:

• You are the parent of a child or children who are 17-18 years of age.
• You or the other parent have been subject to a court-ordered child support obligation, divorce, or parentage order.

If you meet those two criteria there are 3 things you should be considering in the next month to save yourself some money and to help your son or daughter. Here’s the list of what ‘To Do’ and also common mistakes I see:

1. Terminate Child Support in a Timely Fashion. According to Illinois law, child support should be terminated when a child turns 18, 19, or when a child is graduated from high school. In my experience 80%-90% of kids turn 18 and then graduate from high school sometime during the year that they are 18-years-old. Thus, high school graduation is the most common event requiring the termination of child support. Common Mistake:  Most people who are not our clients do not file to terminate child support soon enough. If your son or daughter is set to graduate from high school on say June 10, 2013, you should be filing your petition to terminate child support NOW! Courts don’t move quickly. Why pay a couple extra months (or years) of child support when you don’t have to?
2. Pursue Support for Post-High School Educational Expenses. If your son or daughter is planning on attending any sort of post-high school training from a traditional college setting to any sort of vocational school this is absolutely an area where you or your child shouldn’t be stuck footing the bill by yourselves…the other parent has an obligation to financially support the child. The is even more critical when a child is mentally or physically disabled. Common Mistake:  In my experience this sort of financial obligation is not as well known as traditional child support and thus is not as likely to be pursued. Also, people wait and then miss-out on any contribution towards earlier periods of schooling…you can only recover these costs from the date you file and thereafter.
3. Money for Summer. Granted my parents were not divorced, but I surely spent my summers during college back at home with the folks living off of their dime (for the most part). And in a typical situation where parents are not living together a child will spend the majority of summer living with one parent. From the very first summer after high school graduation to all those summers in-between each year of school…get the financial support that you and your child are entitled to from the other parent. Common Mistake:  In my experience this sort of financial obligation is not as well known as traditional child support and thus is not as likely to be pursued. Or even if a college expense contribution is made, these periods of “recess” are ignored even though they are part of the statute.

Act now because with the above items, time is money!

Divorce can be a very painful and it is very easy to get so wrapped up in your own recovery that you may not see that your children are suffering. Teenage depression and behavior changes after a divorce are quite common.

• When parents split, unless and until the custodial parent finds another partner to help out with the house and the family responsibilities, that parent is  now living the life a single parent. Teenagers are often relied upon to take up adult responsibilities that they did not have before. This may mean babysitting younger siblings, more household chores, or a driving teen becoming the “taxi” for younger siblings.
• Teens are old enough to understand what is going on and you may have confided in your adolescent some very adult experiences that you are going through. Teenagers may seem old enough to process these experiences, but they still need the safety and relational security of their parents.
• Where pre-divorce parents were splitting household costs, in post-divorce life each parent is often paying for their own household costs. Just as money may have caused a lot of the problems in your marriage and subsequent divorce, money or lack of money can affect your teenager.  Your teen may become angry and resentful or sad and depressed.
• Teens are already going through immense hormonal changes that makes becoming an adult confusing and scary. When you compound that with a divorce, the emotional highs and lows may be too much for your teen to know how to handle.

Most teens will recover from the depression as time passes and your post-divorce family develops a new family routine. Some teens begin to engage in risky behavior and it is important to seek professional help.

WARNING signs of depression:

• Feeling deep sadness or hopelessness.
• Lack of energy.
• Loss of pleasure or interest in activities that once excited the teen.
• Anxiety and panic.
• Turmoil, worry and irritability. The teen may brood or lash out in anger because of the distress he or she feels.
• Difficulty organizing, concentrating or remembering.
• Negative views of life and the world.
• Feeling worthless and guilty. The teen may feel stupid, ugly or bad.
• Drastic changes in appetite or weight.
• Difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep or sleeping too much.
• Sluggishness. A depressed teen often talks, reacts and walks slower than other teens.
• Avoiding and withdrawing from friends and family.
• Restlessness. The restlessness brought on by depression may lead to behaviors such as fidgeting or acting up in class.
• Self-mutilation and suicidal thoughts.

Seek out professional help if your teen is depressed.

Steps that you and your ex can take to minimize harm:

• Don’t talk negatively about the other parent in front of the children. Make sure other adults adhere to this rule, as well.
• Don’t use your child as a messenger.
• Don’t interrogate your children with regard to the conduct, habits, social activities, etc. of the other parent.
• Don’t use your child as a weapon against the other parent.
• Don’t use your child as a confidant for adult issues that they are not ready to process.

If the custodial parent is unwilling or unable to create a safe and nurturing environment, then a change in residential custody may be appropriate.

Chicago Family Law Group, LLC can help you with your custody change. Contact us for a free consultation.

File Your Case or Lose Your Kid(s) Forever.

This article is specifically intended for fathers who are not married to the mothers of their child/children because YOU ARE AT RISK! You face the very real possibility that someday mom’s going to get upset and take-off with your kids halfway across the county or the world. And she (plus your kids) might NEVER COME BACK! I’ve seen it happen from afar and first-hand just recently.

So here’s the tale of 2 fathers…

Father #1. Father #1 has a 6-year-old daughter with Mother. Father #1 is the majority parent for his daughter and has registered her in school, handles all medical matters for her, and the daughter spends 95% of her time living with Father #1. Mother is involved only sporadically in her daughter’s life and sees her 1 weekend per month. Father #1 is listed as the daughter’s father on her birth certificate. Therefore, Father #1 is the legal father (as well as the biological father) of his daughter. On Thanksgiving Day Father #1 allows the Mother to have the daughter for a few days until the Sunday after Thanksgiving. But, when Father #1 goes to pick-up his daughter on Sunday he learns that the Mother has improperly taken the daughter to Alabama and the Mother says she and the daughter are not coming back.

Because Father #1 is the legal father of his daughter (listed as father on her birth certificate) we are able to get into court immediately and have Father #1 awarded temporary custody of his daughter and the Mother is ordered to return the daughter to Father #1. Father #1 goes down to Alabama immediately and with the help of law enforcement regains possession of his daughter within a couple days. Subsequently, Father #1 is granted custody of his daughter for at least the next 10 months and the Mother is barred from any visitation with her daughter.

Father #2. Read carefully because Father #2 isn’t much different than Father #1. Father #2 has an 11-year-old daughter with Mother. Father #2 is the majority parent for his daughter and has registered her in school, handles all medical matters for her, and the daughter spends 80% of her time living with Father #2. Mother is only involved sporadically in her daughter’s life and sees her 1-2 weekends per month. Father #2 is not listed as the daughter’s father on her birth certificate. Therefore, Father #2 is not the legal father of his daughter (although he is the biological father). On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving Day, unbeknownst to Father #2, Mother shows-up at the daughter’s school, takes daughter home, and has her transferred to a new school in Alabama. Several days later Father #2 learns what has occurred and realizes that his daughter is in Alabama and very upset to be away from her home.

Because Father #2 is NOT the legal father of his daughter we can’t go to court and he can’t get custody of his daughter. Father #2 cannot retrieve his daughter in Alabama. As a legal matter he’s no more the father than I am. So he’s got an upset, unhappy and afraid 11-year-old daughter in Alabama who he may never see again. I hope that’s not true and as long as the mother stays put in one place and Father #2 knows where the mother is, then he’ll likely be able to eventually re-gain some parental rights to his daughter if not full custody. But it will take several months. But if the Mother/daughter make themselves hard to find, particularly outside the U.S., then Father #2 likely won’t see his daughter again.

Don’t Let this Be You

The above is based on a true story. It’s pretty stark and dramatic…and thankfully fairly rare. But there’s a similar story that happens tens if not hundreds of times every weekend in Chicago and that’s the scenario where good fathers have their parenting time and relationships with kids “controlled” by the whims of the mother. Mom won’t let you see your son unless you pay her $500. Mom won’t let you see your son because she’s got a new boyfriend who doesn’t like you. Mom doesn’t allow you to attend your son’s sporting events and won’t tell you the schedule and you can’t just get it from the school because you’re not your son’s legal father.

Father #1 above was the legal father of his daughter and thus could control the situation. He signed-off on his daughter’s birth certificate when she was born. A biological father can also become a legal father by filing a parentage/paternity case in court. Those are the only 2 options.

The Chicago Family Law Group, LLC can help you file your case! We can help you help your kids!

Divorce can be expensive. Divorce can be messy. Divorce can be emotionally draining.

But divorce can also be quiet. Divorce can be easy. Divorce can be quick. Divorce can be (relatively) painless. Divorce can be a new start.

How peaceful or how hostile your divorce is depends on several factors; however, there are two main factors that can determine the route your divorce will take: (1) whether you and your soon to be ex-spouse are willing and able to be agreeable to the terms of the divorce settlement, and; (2) the lawyer(s) each of you chooses.

The Settlement- If you have already agreed on how things are divvied up, you are well on your way to a quick and easy divorce. If you haven’t agreed on all of the terms of your divorce but want to keep your divorce from becoming heated, seeking out a mediator to assist you in the settlement can often help resolve things quietly. Your attorney will review the mediation agreement to make sure it is fair and then draft the marital settlement agreement based on what you agreed on. Your attorneys can also negotiate the property settlement.

The Right Fit- Some divorce lawyers are aggressive and antagonistic by nature and will stir the pot when it isn’t necessary: this can increase frustration and the cost of your divorce. In a high conflict divorce an aggressive demeanor can be beneficial. It is important to find a family law attorney that will be a good fit for your case: a divorce attorney that will listen to you and your goals and then proceed in that approach. You wouldn’t hire an interior designer that couldn’t design to satisfy your individual style. Likewise, you shouldn’t hire an attorney that isn’t the right match for your style of divorce. An initial consultation with a divorce attorney will help you determine if the fit is right.

At Chicago Family Law Group, LLC, we offer FREE initial consultations so that you can determine whether we are the right fit for your divorce or family law matter before you spend a dime.

Have you been deployed or recently received orders to be deployed in the U.S. Armed Forces?

Illinois law has recently been changed to grant members of the armed forces higher priority and greater convenience in addressing their family law cases, plus, substitute visitation is also possible.

A parent who is deployed or has orders to be deployed shall receive expedited priority in being set for hearing on custody and visitation matters. A deployed parent can also testify by telephone, audiovisual means, or other electronic means if he or she is unavailable to appear.

The ability to designate a visitation substitute may be the best new benefit. A court may allow a parent who is deployed or has orders to be deployed to designate a person who is known to the child to exercise reasonable substitute visitation. So grandparents, siblings, aunts/uncles are now great options to care for your child and maintain family ties when you’re deployed overseas.

Any temporary modification to a custody or visitation order made during a parent’s deployment must be for the purpose of providing “reasonable accommodations necessitated by the deployment.” The temporary order shall specify deployment as its basis and must also provide for 1) custody or reasonable visitation during leave if it is in the child’s best interest, 2) appropriate visitation by electronic means, 3) reservation of the court’s jurisdiction to change or terminate the order once the parent’s deployment has ended, on terms and conditions that are in the child’s best interest.

Keep Calm and Call Your Lawyer

There was a photo blog post this month on the Huffington Post entitled, “Funny T-Shirts: 13 Ridiculous Shirts To Wear Post-Split“. One t-shirt was a variation of the World War II era  saying, “Keep Calm and Carry On” that read, “Keep Calm and Call Your Lawyer“.   Pretty sound advice for a humorous t-shirt. Don’t let your Ex provoke you into an argument or fight, verbal or physical. Keep calm, walk away and call your lawyer.

If there are kids involved, you may need to respond before you can talk to your attorney. Try text messaging or emailing but remove the accusations and negativity from your responses. Keep the tone neutral and provide the factual information needed to make an informed request or response. Remember, escalating the conflict into a shouting match or accusation battle will not solve anything. Keep calm.

And call your lawyer.

Plan Early.

Having two households means that both parents will be making holiday plans and that often includes plans with extended family. Add in one or two step-parent’s extended families, and the amount of holiday planning multiplies. Last minute scrambling to secure holiday parenting time will inevitably lead to a conflict. The longer you wait, the more stressful the process becomes.

If you can’t agree between the two of you, you may need to bring the matter before the court. A motion needs to be filed far enough in advance to schedule it for the court to hear it. This is not something that you can do at the last minute.  I actually heard an irritated judge ask a parent, “Wait, you just found out that Christmas was on December 25th?”

Review Your Court Documents.

Final custody settlement agreements and judgments should already have a holiday visitation schedule. When planning holiday visitation, check your final court documents first. Make sure you know what is required of you in making and communicating your holiday plans to the other parent.

Communicate in Writing.

Always make sure you communicate with the other parent in writing (text messages count). This is extremely helpful if you need to refer to what you agreed on or if you can’t agree and need to bring the matter to your attorney. This should go without saying, but be respectful in your communications and try to leave out the negativity.

Think About the Kids.

The holidays are about the children.  Holidays can be depressing for many people. Don’t show your sadness in front of the children and don’t make them feel guilty for spending a holiday with the other parent instead of you.

Leave the children out of the scheduling process. Unless they are making requests to go to specific holiday parties, they should not be involved in the decision-making process.

Consider communicating with your ex about what gifts you will be giving. If Santa delivers to both houses and the same gift is given at each house, it could be awkward. Although, if Santa delivers a Wii to both households because the Wii won’t be travelling with the kids, that might make sense for your family.

President Lincoln famously quoted the Gospel of Mark when he stated that “a house divided against itself cannot stand” in advocating for the abolition of slavery in the United States back in 1858. A house divided because of marital discord can also make one’s home life pretty wobbly too.

Lets face it, working through a marital breakdown isn’t all that pleasant in the least contentious of circumstances. Oftentimes animosity can fuel arguments and make life pretty unpleasant as your dissolution of marriage case works its way through the court system.

What if you still must share a home with that husband/wife in the months or years while the case gets finalized? Do you have a choice?

To forcibly remove a spouse from the house, one must file either a petition for exclusive possession of the residence under Section 701 of the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA) or a petition for an Order of Protection under Section 214 of the Illinois Domestic Violence Act (IDVA). Exclusive possession does not affect title or dictate who will be awarded the home upon entry of a divorce, but it has ramifications on other issues, such as temporary living arrangements, custody, visitation and support.

What’s the better route?

Attorneys debate whether obtaining exclusive possession under IDVA is easier than under IMDMA since you can get an order of protection by simply showing harassment or a threat of abuse, rather than “jeopardy.” Exclusive possession is a remedy to be included in an order of protection where the risk of future abuse outweighs the hardships to respondent in having to leave the residence. The balance of hardships is presumed by statute to weigh in favor of the petitioner, which also eases the burden. The domestic violence act also allows for a litigant to obtain an Emergency Order of Protection without notice to the opposing party in certain circumstances.

In contrast, under Section 701 of IMDMA, the court may order the temporary eviction of a spouse during a divorce proceeding only 1) Where there is a verified complaint or petition on file seeking exclusive possession, 2) Where the physical or mental well-being of either spouse or their children is jeopardized and 3) Upon due notice and full hearing unless waived for good cause.

In July, the Illinois Appellate Court decided In re Marriage of Levinson and provided guidance on the high standard required for exclusive possession, equating the word “jeopardized” in Section 701 with danger, hazard or peril under its plain dictionary meaning. While physical violence is not required, one must show more than stress, arguing or unhappiness to prove jeopardy.

Facts that have NOT supported exclusive possession:
>>Child’s undue stress;
>>Lack of privacy;
>>Husband’s unpredictable behavior;
>>Non-consensual sex;
>>Increased diabetic reactions due to stress.

Facts that HAVE supported exclusive possession:
>>Husband shouted at wife;
>>Husband called wife names;
>>Husband hit wife, fired a gun at wife, and broke her teeth.

IMDMA is designed to protect the well-being of spouses and children and mitigate the potential harm to them caused by the divorce process. If the joint occupancy of the marital home jeopardizes one’s safety and well-being, exclusive possession is an appropriate remedy. However, it is also a drastic remedy with long-term implications affecting custody, support, use and enjoyment of one’s property and other issues. Accordingly, courts must ensure the remedy of exclusive possession is not misused while balancing the need to protect families. Although living together during the divorce process can be arduous, it is not uncommon, and many couples are able to keep the peace living under the same roof.

In November 2008, Steven Watkins, age 32, had gone to pick up his young daughter for a court-ordered visit at the home his estranged wife, Jennifer Watkins, lived at with other family members. Steven was shot in the back and murdered by Jennifer’s grandmother, 76-year-old Shirley Skinner. Shirley is currently serving a 55-year prison sentence after being convicted of killing Steven Watkins. Although Steven’s parents were granted court ordered visitation, Jennifer has continued to ignore the Court’s orders.

The act amends the Illinois Vehicle Code and the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act.

Effective Immediately, pursuant to a judge finding that a custodial parent has engaged in visitation violations without good cause, the court now has the power to:

• Suspend the offending party’s Illinois driving privileges until the court has determined that there has been sufficient compliance with the court’s visitation order;
• Issue a family responsibility driving permit to allow limited driving privileges for employment, for medical purposes, and to transport a child pursuant to a visitation order;
• Probation; or
• Periodic imprisonment for up to 6 months, provided that the court may allow periods of release for work.

This is not an original concept. The court already has the power to take these actions against non-custodial parents that fail to pay child support. In fact, it levels the playing field. The custodial parent cannot deny visitation without good cause and the non-custodial parent must pay child support. It is clearly a stick method of motivation rather than a carrot method, but as always, it is to motivate parents to obey the golden rule of the Family Law court system, “Parents should always act in the best interest of the child.”